I completely agree with this article! I've been a consultant for a while now as well! All these answers were a brain refresher! Way to go Passion Parties for hitting a another spotlight! *Women helping Women*
When my friend asked me if I wanted to accompany her to a “Passion Party,” I said “Absolutely!” Whether or not I was in the market for adult toys was beside the point—I’m always in the market for a good laugh.
But surprisingly, what we got was more than a case of the giggles, a taste of chocolate-raspberry flavored lip gloss, and a penis-shaped pen (which I should probably take out of my purse before it falls out and announces itself to my co-workers). We got a lesson in confidence, self-care, and even chemistry, too.
As it turns out, Jenn Queen, our “consultant,” aka party-thrower, has a degree in sexual health and is currently a graduate student studying health promotion. She wants to be sex educator, and so these parties are great practice.
Pretty sneaky, I thought. And pretty genius. The massage oil, the wine, and the intimidating purple vibrator were really just the bait to attract women to adult sex ed. So while I can’t give you the goodies, I can give you the tips. Read on below to listen in to my post-party, no-holds-barred conversation with Queen.
For women’s health nuts like us, it’s easy to forget that a lot of stuff related to sexual health isn’t common knowledge. What questions do you get that surprise you the most?
Sometimes women ask, “If I use a toy, will it kill my desire for real sex? Can I get addicted?” The answer is absolutely not. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings—that’s more than any other part of the body, male or female. They’re not going anywhere.
You said something similar about lube—that, if you use it, it won’t affect your body’s ability to produce lubrication on its own.
Right. Women will tell me, “I’ve never had a problem with lubrication. I don’t need lube.” But I don’t care if it’s like Niagra Falls down there, everyone needs lube. As you get closer to climax, your natural lubrication properties shut down. So, if you keep going, you need artificial lube to keep from drying up.
Lube doesn’t just make sex more comfortable, but it also helps prevent tiny tears in your vagina. You might not be able to see or feel them, but they can trap unwanted bacteria and lead to yeast infections.
Speaking of lube, remind me which lubes you can and can’t use with which condoms.
The most important rule to remember is that “like dissolves like.” For example, silicone-based lubes are latex safe, but can’t be used with most toys because they are also made out of silicone. And if you choose an oil-based lube, do not use a latex condom. It will literally dissolve.
When in doubt, go with a water-based lube. It can be used with all condoms and toys.
So are there non-latex condoms?
Yes, you can use polyurethane condoms. They’re becoming more common because a lot of people have latex sensitivities.
What do you tell women about condom use? People often think about condoms in terms of avoiding pregnancy, but aren’t you more likely to get an STI than you are to get pregnant?
That’s right. When I’m teaching women, I very intentionally use the language of “when you use a condom” as opposed to “if you use a condom.” There’s actually been a spike in STIs among older men and women because people are living longer, divorce is common, and people are starting relationships at a later age. They think, “well, I can’t get pregnant, so I don’t need to use a condom,” but they forget about the other health concerns that are out there.
You throw parties for women of all ages with all different backgrounds and experiences. What’s a pervasive concern for everyone?
Women are often worried about how their partner will react if they introduce a toy. My answer is always, “if you want to try it, and you have a healthy, respectful, and honest relationship, then you should be able to bring it up.” Communication is key. I’ve always thought that if you can’t have an honest conversation with your partner about sex—and I mean more than just “should we have it?”—then you’re not ready.
I don’t know where we got this idea that sex is no big deal. It is a big deal! It’s a huge part of a relationship, and it can make it or break it.
What message do you hope women take away from your parties?
Self-knowledge is important because it leads to greater self-respect. And that leads to better health—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, it’s going to be really hard to feel sexy.
There are a lot of different ways you can express respect for your body, for your partner, for your health—the toys are just one way to do that.