It’s Thanksgiving. You have to talk to relatives. Some you might like, some you might not. But either way, you’ll need some conversation starters. So Skimm the headlines this week and Repeat After Skimm.
(And don’t forget to get more every day at theSkimm.com.)
What to say when your guests fight at the table:
Get Along! Welcome to conflict in the Mideast. The conflict between Gaza militants and Israel has escalated all week. There has been more violence, more deaths, more threats of Israel moving in for a ground invasion, and more of countries asking for the violence to stop. What to do in a panic? Call a Clinton. The U.S. has sent Hillz over there to see about a ceasefire. To be continued…
What to say when your button pops off:
I haven’t been this full since I OD’d on Twinkies in middle school. Man, those were the days, when the Wonder Bread was free flowing. Now Hostess’s website says it all: “Hostess Brands is Closed,” after failing to reach an agreement with union reps, which would prevent liquidation and save 18,000 jobs. Hostess will return to bankruptcy court today to argue for liquidation and selling off its assets. At least it didn’t happen on Christmas when Ho Ho jokes would be distasteful.
What to say when you get constructive criticism:
At least they nominated one person to tell me I’m making a mistake instead of 97. Nearly 100 Republicans wrote a letter urging President Obama not to nominate U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice for Secretary of State. Some GOP members think Rice is not to be trusted after what they feel was a sketchy recap of what happened in Libya. The Senate would have to confirm her so it looks like they’ve got almost 99 problems but, unfortunately, Hillz ain’t one.
What to say when you have a headache:
I need to get out of here and go to Asia. President Obama took a break from thinking about all things Mideast and fiscal cliff and traveled to Southeast Asia, focusing on the growing economic power in the region. Barry wants to make sure emerging nations and current allies are reminded about their good ole friend the U.S. of A. and not too distracted by their big Red friend, China. Obama’s historic trip to Myanmar made him the first sitting U.S. prez to visit that once militant nation. This is a big deal. He also took a moment to think about Congress’s struggle to agree on a budget, admitting “we’re going to need a lot of prayer.” Amen.
What to say when you’re caught going through your boyfriend’s phone:
It’s not just me, the Pentagon wants to do it, too! Defense Secretary Leon Panetta has ordered the Pentagon to dig into why oh so many generals and admirals have been caught up in misconduct allegations (ahem, Petraeus et al). Like Panetta, I believe there are a few good ones out there who abide by an ethical code, but we are both concerned by this spike in misbehavior. Watch your emails, keep your shirt on, and maybe write your own biography, people. Shape up or ship out.
What to say when the elevator takes way too long:
I could whistle and look at the ground or we could talk about it. Yup, Lindsay Lohan may or may not be heading back to jail. It looks like LiLo will be charged with lying to a police officer, which is a crime, after a car wreck back in June. A full hearing on the charge is likely on the horizon, according to TMZ. Don’t say it, I feel the same way. It’s your floor already, you should go.
What to say when you don’t want to go to the gym:
The power of Christ compels you! Catholic university Notre Dame is ranked number 1 in the country and will go to the college football championship game if they can beat USC next weekend. In other nail-biting news, the Baltimore Ravens outlasted the Pittsburgh Steelers. How happy was wide receiver Jacoby Jones? See for yourself.
What to say about a restaurant:
How is it ranked? George Washington University better hope potential applicants aren’t as picky, because the university just got kicked off of US News & World Report’s ranking list after admitting it inflated some stats surrounding its students. We get it, we’ve lied about our grades, too.
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