It’s Thanksgiving—the time of year for turkey, giving thanks, and spending time with your family. Particularly, your extended family. You know, those twice-removed relatives who only see you once a year and just love to bombard you with judging questions about your career, future plans, and love life (or lack thereof).
Well, this year, we’ve got you covered with a few witty responses to the most obnoxious of family inquiries. Pull out one of these answers, stop Uncle Al in his tracks, then head to the couch and dig into the pumpkin pie.
a) “Oh Aunt Mary, I already have! He’s actually working on a movie in Tokyo right now, so he couldn’t make it. But he promised he’d make it up to me over Christmas with a ski trip to Vail. Sorry I won’t be seeing you then!”
b) “Actually, we just broke up. He couldn’t handle the fact that I made six figures more than he did. I just really need someone who can keep up with my successful career, you know?”
c) “No kidding. Know anyone?”
a) “Yeah—it’s tough. I’ve had so many amazing offers that I just can’t decide between them.”
b) “No, I’ve actually started one already. Unfortunately, it’s a top-secret project for the government, so I can’t tell you anything about it. I’ve said too much already… ”
c) “Yep. Know anyone?”
a) “Actually, he got fired three months ago. He’s been too embarrassed to show up to family functions since then—or even tell my parents. Do me a favor and don’t mention it?”
b) “I wish he was here, too. I guess he just doesn’t care about spending time with the family as much as I do.”
c) “I know! He’s a real go-getter. I should hire him to work for me.”
a) “Actually, I don’t have to. Yale Law was so impressed with my admissions application, they just gave me an honorary JD.”
b) “Maybe in a couple of years. I just got a book deal, so I need to wrap that project up first, you know?”
c) “I’d love to chat about this, but I think Mom needs some help with the mashed potatoes. It’s a shame we’ll be sitting at opposite ends of the table.”
a) “I actually just finished up a modeling gig and they dyed it this color for the shoot. I know, it’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.”
b) “It’s a little crazy, but my boyfriend loves it. You know who Ryan Gosling is, right?”
c) “You don’t like it? I was actually going for your color!”
Adrian Granzella Larssen is the Editor-in-Chief of The Daily Muse (but was also an event planner, a marketer, and an online communications strategist before finding her dream job). A proud two-time alumna of Pepperdine University, she splits her time between New York and Los Angeles and never says no to an international adventure. Say hi on Twitter @adriangranzella.
These are all quirky comebacks! I took the suggestion of one of the girls I work with at DISH who also deals with 21 Annoying Questions whenever there’s a family function. Rather than coming up with witty answers to why my husband and I don’t have children yet we diverted their attention to the DISH Remote Access app we recently downloaded onto our iPad. The UI is amazing so it was easy to show my nosey relatives and get their attention on something besides our reproduction efforts.
So funny! Thanks for the a.m. laugh. What about the newly married who are constantly asked "So when can we expect a little one from you two?" That's always fun.
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